Divorced parents with children have probably heard something along the lines of “kids are tough, they’ll bounce back.” And while I would agree that kids are definitely tough, they don’t always bounce back from their parent’s divorce.
Whether your offspring are 5, 15, or 25 they are hurting. If the death of your marriage was a slow painful death, your children are likely hurting much more than you are. The only exceptions are extremely young children who are not old enough to realize what is happening.
The end of a marriage brings many losses that must be faced. From my experience leading a divorce recovery group I have learned that adults have a very difficult time identifying and properly grieving their losses from divorce. Children can have an even harder time understanding their feelings.
Following is a list of just a few of the things young children and teens of divorced parents are dealing with:
Loss of a parent:
Though the non-custodial parent may still be involved in their lives, most children will resent the decreased time they have with that parent. Remember, your children love both of their parents and you need to acknowledge that loss and allow them the opportunity to grieve.
Loss of security:
Even if your marriage was a constant war zone, your children had a sense of security that both mom and dad were there for them. After the divorce many children will experience a fear that the custodial parent will leave them as well. If your children are expressing these types of fears don’t just dismiss it. Try to reassure them that you are not going to leave them.
Loss of friends:
If the divorce caused you to move away from the children’s home, it is likely that they have had to say goodbye to many close friends. Moving can be difficult for a child under the best of circumstances but, if it is the result of a divorce, your children have lost one of the only support systems they have outside of their family.
Loss of standard of living:
Divorced parents typically have significantly reduced available income for both parties. Your kids may be facing decisions of what to give up if, for instance, you can no longer afford music lessons, gymnastics, or travel sports teams. They may have been accustomed to certain styles of clothes that are no longer an option or they may have to adjust to a large public school after attending a small private school.
This is far from a comprehensive list of the things children of divorced parents are dealing with. Just remember that they are hurting, maybe more than you, and give them the support they need. If your children’s sadness, anger, and poor coping continues for longer than you think is healthy they may need professional help to deal with their feelings.


Follow Us On: